Fairly Harmless: Take a Break from Being Smart

James and Andrew are back to waste your time more efficiently than ever. This episode opens with a holiday Yule log DVD, yes, a DVD, about a fake fireplace from the seventies, and somehow gets weirder from there. 
Topics covered: a James Bond ranking homework assignment nobody asked for, a sequel-movie debate that may never actually happen, and two grown men presenting eyewitness evidence of confirmed time travelers living among us. 
Also on the agenda: a Dungeons & Dragons road rage simulator where incompetent left-turners trigger a combat encounter. A YouTube rabbit hole into competitive chili pepper eating with no prize except the suffering. And a closing segment about a phrase Andrew dreamed up which James claims no credit for and absolutely should.
Missing the point since the beginning. Fairly Harmless. You're welcome.

Omar Jones joins Andrew and James for a round of "What's in the Box," braves the Fast Eddy Experience, and sits through a full unpacking of the Mandela Effect and the time travelers walking among us. Omar makes a blood pact with the boys about how he wants to be distributed at end of life. Tarantino gets ranked. Dune gets defended. Christopher Nolan gets a polite warning.
If you like long-form nonsense between friends who shouldn't be trusted with microphones, this is the one.

Andrew and James are back with a new studio setup, a pile of listener feedback, and absolutely no plan. The guys ease into a freewheeling conversation that somehow manages to touch on merchandising empires, future podcast concepts, a heated consumer complaint, and what may genuinely be the greatest business idea of the 21st century.
There's a moment in this episode where you'll think they've finally gone too far. They haven't. It gets better.
If you're new to Fairly Harmless, this is a solid place to start. If you're already a fan, you know exactly what you're in for, and you're not wrong.

Together with special guest Ed, the boys somehow connect Gilligan's Island to the Illuminati, propose a Purge-style holiday exclusively for geese, and uncover the military's secret coast-to-coast underground maglev trains running Portland to Portland.
Also covered: TikTok challenges that should exist, why Mary Ann's boyfriend was almost certainly fake and why Goodfellas might be the best worst comfort movie ever made.
Three is the magic number. Nobody learned anything useful, which is kind of the point.

The Fairly Harmless podcast finally breaks the two-man format and welcomes its first ever guest, Shua from Duncan, North Carolina, the spiritual home of Duncan Hines cake mix. What follows is what Andrew and James doing what they do best, which is failing to stay on topic while their guest goes with the flow.
The crew tackles the truly important questions: Did the Monopoly guy ever have a monocle? Is Bill Pullman dead or are we thinking of Bill Paxton? Do fish get thirsty?
The gang debates parallel universes, the Mandela Effect and someone admits to picking all the good flavors out of a Jelly Belly assortment. Turkey sausages make an appearance. So does the patented Shua fart technique, perfected in community college. Pour one out for John Candy.
The third broken axle on the truck of terror has been installed. Fairly Harmless rolls on.

Pointless banter about moving picture shows, music theory and courtship rituals.

James had a vision at a yard sale: a pizza restaurant that opens at nine in the morning. Andrew thought this was brilliant. Everyone else at the yard sale did not. 
This episode also features a genuinely compelling pitch for a professional insult delivery service where hired randos approach your enemies, say something devastating, and vanish forever. Passive aggressive? Sure. A legitimate business opportunity? These two think so.
James came home from the yard sale with DVDs instead of money: Fletch, The Tao of Steve, and a Yule log DVD that he will tell you about at length. It's a Northeastern Christmas television tradition. He's very excited. 
Also: someone got confused about the name of the game cornhole and the whole thing went sideways immediately. No further questions.

Two guys, 11pm, downtown Raleigh.
Andrew got a haircut from a barber whose hands would not stop shaking and stayed in the chair anyway. James broke two lawn chairs in the same month. By the end of the episode they are working out the physics of surviving a free fall out of a plane using a bazooka and a broken lawn chair as a parachute.
Also there's a hilarious discussion about wearing glasses that look like Elton John picked them out.
This is Fairly Harmless, missing the point as always.

Pointless banter about eateries, sound and parallel universes vs insanity.

Andrew and James open up with James confidently mixing up Tommy Lasorda and Tony La Russa. Two different people, two different teams. Not even close.
The NBA takes a beating next. Neither host has cared much since the Jordan-Pippen Bulls, and they will tell you exactly why. College ball is a different story: real teamwork, real stakes, and an NC State shoutout for good measure.
Then things get entrepreneurial. James pitches Shelf, a dating app for people who can balance a plate of food on their stomach, and the brainstorm spirals into a full graveyard of cursed app names: Doormat, Wrench, Turkey Baster, Meat Mallet.
The episode closes with an enthusiastic, completely unpaid endorsement of Prime Barbecue in Knightdale, and a nod to Longleaf Swine in Raleigh, who referred the business to a competitor when their equipment failed before a catering job rather than just canceling. Integrity in the barbecue industry. It exists.